Gen Z don’t care about table manners - but they should (2024)

Are table manners important? (Image: Getty)

How can I be writing about mere table manners when we’re in fear of the prospect of another world war? My answer is this: members of Gen Z – those aged 12 to 27 – apparently believe that table manners don’t matter – and I must protest.

I was born in 1962, before fast food, convenience food and TV dinners existed. Meals were only ever served on trays (often with a cloth and fresh flower in a tiny crystal vase) to those knocking at death’s door in their bedroom. People who were merely ailing would wear a dressing gown and slippers and shuffle dutifully to the table. There was no excuse for slumping on the sofa and shovelling in food while gawping at the TV. Eating meant the burden and privilege of being granted a seat at the table. That seat gave adults the opportunity to observe your behaviour and take you to task if you infringed the following rules.

Forks must never be used as shovels. Peas must be eaten from the back of the rounded tines, never the front. Elbows must be kept off the table – leaning upon one arm while forking up your food with the other led to instant banishment. Talking with your mouth full was a sin – much time was spent waiting for a reply as the person responding struggled to chew and swallow before speaking. Even around the table, elbows must be kept under control. “Keep your wings in,” was a regular refrain at home. It ensures that when cutting food, your elbows are pressed against your sides, not poking the diner next to you.

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Should you be offered a platter of pastries, adults would say sternly: “Take the one nearest to you”. Reaching across for the scrummy one with the sprinkles on it was forbidden.

Soup was fraught with danger.

Queen Victoria once got a lapful by tipping the bowl towards herself to spoon up the bottom inches. Politesse required counter-intuitively tipping the bowl away from you when scooping – pretty demanding for a four-year-old learning the rules. If you enjoyed your stew and want to scrape up the last of it, do so quietly. Over-enthusiastic cutlery action evoked the admonition: “Leave the pattern on the plate.”

When I see people spearing their meat and sawing it lumberjack-style, it’s tough to stop myself treating them to a table manners
masterclass. This matters immensely to folk of my vintage and I know which generation I’d rather invite to dinner at Feltz Towers.

I love reading the list of famous birthday girls and boys on the radio every morning. Monday’s list featured the delightful blast-from-the-past Anthea Redfern, who is 76.

Remember her? She was the former model who caught the eye of Bruce Forsyth when he judged a Miss Lovely Legs competition. She became the hostess on The Generation Game in the Seventies and we loved it when Brucie asked her to “give us a twirl” and show off those lovely legs.

After divorcing his wife, Brucie married Anthea and they had two daughters. Their marriage lasted six years.

Anthea remarried, had another daughter and now spends most of her time in Marbella.

Why? Come back Anthea. You were the first love of so many boys who are now in their late 50s, and a glamorous weekly tonic for their dads.

Following the news that a young driver has been jailed for killing two of her passengers, the AA is campaigning to have new drivers banned from giving lifts to friends of a similar age for six months after passing their tests.

I can’t believe there’s a parent who wouldn’t back this. We all remember announcements, such as “Joe passed his test today so he’s driving us to the party”. We dread consigning our children’s safety to new drivers as there’s a temptation to show off. We know how long it takes to get the hang of driving safely, and the possibility of alcohol consumption raises our fears. That’s why we’d rather continue providing a taxi service than wait for Joe to ferry our children home.

Let’s get behind the AA. Novice drivers don’t need the pressure of taking young passengers – and we can’t bear the anxiety when they do.

Samantha Cohen, the late Queen’s press secretary for 17 years, says Her Majesty “loved it” when things went wrong.

Used to the pristine perfection and her loyal subjects in their best bibs and tuckers performing immaculately after weeks of rehearsals, the Queen was pleasantly tickled when the best-laid plans went awry. It “spiced up” her life when “a cake was not cutting” or “a plaque didn’t unveil”.

The King was famously testy when, at a signing ceremony in Northern Ireland prior to his Coronation, ink failed to flow from his ceremonial fountain pen. Now we know he didn’t inherit his irritation from his mother. She’d have laughed good-naturedly and borrowed a biro from her lady in waiting.

Sarah Snook, 36, winner of the Olivier Award for best actress for her performance in Oscar Wilde’s The Picture Of Dorian Gray, says she used time in the middle of the night while breastfeeding her daughter to learn the 60,000-word monologue.

Is she human? The combination of 3am breastfeeding and broken sleep leaves most new mums exhausted husks, unable to think straight, if at all. Remembering your name under such circ*mstances is a stellar achievement. Managing to get yourself and your baby out of the door in relatively clean clothing to buy nappies after a bad night is a monumental undertaking.

Snook’s iron resolve and work ethic are remarkable. Thank goodness she’s got the gong. No one could be more deserving.

■ Ofcom chairman Lord Michael Grade says TV programmes are increasingly “exploitative and cruel” as channels chase ratings.

He’s right. When, in 1994, we first made The Vanessa Show, we weren’t allowed to reveal lie-detector test results, shock guests with revelations about unfaithful partners, tackle sexually explicit topics or cover anything extreme. Now anything goes and if people are humiliated or hurt along the way no one seems to give a damn.

I’m not sure this “progress” benefits guests, audiences or programme makers.

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